Indescribable;;

Sunday, June 17, 2007: crossroad kids

yay im so excited to start with the little kids next semester! although i would have to really spend a lot of time with in church as of next term, i think i would enjoy doing kids ministry alot. hopefully. yet its such a big challenge, getting the kids to like me and reaching out to them, in a way. yesterday i went for this children's ministry workshop as part of our training, and it was all the way in rockingham (thats like an hour's drive down south) to a church in wanbro, and woah, we had to wake up so early, to get there by 9! so glenna and tabs came to get me at 8 and we started our road trip.. (:

i got bored so i started taking random photos in the car. it was so boring i tell you. there was nothing to look at but shrubs and bushes and sand by the freeway when you get really down south. but anyway since i was so tired, i just stoned the whole way there.

see the map that glenna was holding! its a map to swan valley, where all the winery tasting places are. (the winerys are mostly in margaret river but they have shops there for tourists to taste wine so that they dont have to travel all the way to margaret river). we're thinking of going there to taste wine and eat chocolate and cheese. haha, not that me and glenna are going to drink any wine (more tabs than us) cos we both go really red easily and dont like wine anyway so we're just going for fun. haha, but yay! hopefully by the time we go i've already passed my driving and then i can clock my hours. ((:
and i took a photo of myself ((: YAY YAY YAY, going shopping after exams on sat with tabs and i think glenna too. HURRAH. ((: cant wait because the sales are coming soon! :D:D:D:D:D going shopping also with pam and amanda on friday! YAY. and with my mom on thurs night hopefully. oh did i mention my mom is in perth? she just arrived yesterday. ((:
this was during tea break i think. i was bored and decided to take some photos of random things. thats glenna and me! she was quite cocky that she got a purple file instead of a normal blue/black one. ahh, whatever :P

so the children's ministry thing was quite good i think, was a good way to equip and prepare myself before i start in crossroads. there are so many problems that kids nowadays face that i have no idea that they do. apparently 1 out of 3 girls in australia are abused sexually and physically. i was so shocked! but it was a good eyeopener, in a way. i also learnt that kids can face huge self esteem problems, so you have to be very careful in the what you say to them and in your actions as well. i guess i was glad that i went; i got alot out of it, not just about way you treat kids but also the importance of reaching out to them and sharing about how much they mean to God. it definitely affirmed my decision to step into kids ministry.

i guess just continue to pray for me and pray for the ministry, pray that God will continue to grow me and every member of the teaching staff, and equip us to reach out to the kids at subi church. (: also pray for the kids of australia, especially those that face abuse from their parents/relatives. i think they really need to see God's love and how much God treasures the little kids.

Luke 18:16
but Jesus called them to Him and said, "Let the little children come to Me and do not forbid them, for of such is the kingdom of God"

a shout of praise.
11:23 AM

Friday, June 15, 2007: long awaited photos...

since my dear mok yun zhen requested for photos, i shall post some up for her to visualise my life in perth. although i dont have alot (they are all taken using my phone :P) i hope these are enough to satisfy you! heheh. (:

some pictures of UWA, i know you really cant see much, i took them to be display photos on my hp (:

this is james oval, the largest open field in UWA (i think (: ) and you can sit around here during lunch time to have your lunch. was here with amanda and steven (see below pics) having a hot chocolate during a study break in the library. (: look at the sky! so pretty! :))

was taking a picture of the pretty vines on the building on the way to school. i think thats winthrop hall, a building where we have our exams. ): pretty on the outside though. haha. (:

another pretty viney picture. this is the geography building, the arches are so pretty too! (:
matilda bay (: UWA is by the river and during breaks or when you're bored you can take a walk along the river and stare at ducks or if you're lucky you get to see dolphins playing in the water! (: they're really cute. or you could poke jellyfish. for the first half of the semester i had canoing every wed morning so i was trying really hard not to capsize because there's ALOT of jelly fish in this river. :S
its AUTUMN! look! this was taken in may, and the picture below was taken in june. see the difference! and its so prettty!!! (: i love autumn.. heheh.

OKAY. on to my friends. (: hehe.we shall start off with...
AH LOI, (jeannie) this woman has been with me since last year! she's my best friend in perth and accountability partner, and although she's still in high school we still keep in touch sometimes but not as much as last time since i only see her on weekends now. haha. (: she's in ocf too! (: she loves taking photos of herself! i have a whole album of her. :S

THIS IS DEBS. my housemate. (: she loves me!! and i love her too. hahahahha. because she cooks and vacuums and i wash the dishes and the toilet. and yupp, she's an ocfer too. hehe. (:
these 2 other people (esther in the nike and serene at the top) are our permanant residents at our place, since they come to sleepover almost every sat night. (: esther more often during the week as well because she's from UWA and serene's from murdoch, so she doesnt come so often. but yeah, we always have a blast on saturday nights (: all ocfers again heh heh.
THIS IS AMANDA! hehe, she's a good friend of mine from church. she's partly ocf, not fully. (: we hang out together sometimes (: she's a pro at japanese! and she helps me out with my japanese (: we're going shopping next fri after all our exams with this other girl called pam! haha. YAY! (:
this is steven. he's frowning i think because he's got no more hot chocolate left (the cup is in his hands) and we had to go back to study. haha. i'm making this up. he didnt want his photo taken. i think. he's also from church and partly ocf (: behind steven is reid library, aka the business library (on the 3rd floor at least). always very crowded during study periods. and noisy too. not like a library. EHEHEH. we're sitting on james oval (:
COFFEE! no he's not my friend, although he's everyone's friend to most ocfers except me and i think josh tan (see below) yupp. i stay loyal and truthful to mr hot chocolate. (:

raymond, me and judy: yupp yupp, more ocfers, and coffee cum breakfast buddies, sometimes. (:
me and jeannie again! (:

BIRTHDAYS! big occasion in ocf (and some how always surprises). (: this was judy's birthday. and yupp, it was a surprise at my house! haha, i think you can see bits and pieces of my house in the photos. yupp. dont have much photos of me since its not my camera. but anyways. (: yah. she was pretty surprised. hehe. (btw, josh is the left most in the bottom right photo)
youyan's birthday. youyan is debs' boyfriend and also serene and youshen's brother. (thats why serene comes over every weekend) and we had yummy food that day! look at the cake that serene made! YUMM! apple crumble cheesecake. WOohOO! it was GOOD! (:

okay thats about all the photos i have so far. heheh sorry this took so long!

love you lots and lots zhenzhen! -kristi

a shout of praise.
10:33 PM

Tuesday, June 12, 2007: blardy rise of cap. RRARRHHHH!

oh man, i have just no mood to start on my econ hist but i know that if i dont i will surely fail my paper because there's so much to memorise and its not helping that i'm working everyday for the rest of this week and GAH! i DIE again.

i tell you i'm asking for it. so much to study for and yet i had to open my big mouth and agree to help my boss. but if i dont go no one else is going to go, then they wouldnt be able to manage. then ah! poor people. ): sigh. oh well. the money was good incentive.

BLAH. our lecturer gave us this million question paper for revision(okay so its not a million), but there ALOT of questions to be able to answer before we can safely sit the exam and pass, at least. grrr. i wish the question was already out so we can prepare for it. blahs. not good.

i'm still procrastinating.

and i cant give the excuse that i'm too tired from work today because that would be my excuse everyday and i wont get any work done this week. so i should start now right?

): i really dont want to.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

a shout of praise.
9:14 PM

i want to be firmly rooted...

Psalms 1:1-4
1 Blessed is the man
Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly,
Nor stands in the path of sinners,
Nor sits in the seat of the scornful;
2 But His delight is in the law of the Lord,
And in His law he meditates day and night.
3 He shall be like a tree
Planted by the rivers of water,
That brings forth its fruit in its season,
Whose leaf also shall not wither;
And whatever he does shall prosper.
4 The ungodly are not so,
But are like the chaff which the wind drives away.

did this psalm for QT yesterday and i was reflecting once again on how much of me followed God for my own sake instead of out of loving God. probably 70%-30% i think. believing that if i didnt choose to believe God i would end up in hell. if i didnt seek God, God wouldnt bless me.

i'm starting to believe that alot of things i do is for my own selfish desires; and so much i want it to be out of a love for God and His law and His people. i want it, but i cant reach it, and then i give up, and then i start all over again.

reading this psalm again helped me to understand where i went wrong: his delight is in the law of the Lord.

perhaps thats where i should start rebuilding my foundation.

a shout of praise.
9:05 AM

Sunday, June 10, 2007: fear.

i dont know how much of what i'm feeling now is from fear of failure, some of it is coming from anxiety too. i need to calm down.

oh man.
i'm afraid that the paper is going to be difficult;
i'm afraid that i forget how to answer the questions;
i'm afraid that i forgot what i revised;
i'm afraid that i get there late;
i'm afraid that 3 hours wont be enough;
i'm afraid of getting tricked by the questions;
i'm afraid that i get below the average;
i'm even more afraid that i get below 50%.

bottomline,
i'm afraid of failure.

perhaps its always only in the end when i feel regret; that i didnt put in enough effort throughout the whole term. FA was by far the most challenging unit this semester; it won handsdown the most boring, monotonous and difficult topic. maybe i just didnt take enough effort to appreciate the unit.

but there's nothing i can do now, i can only leave it all into God's hands and try to stop worrying about it. i can only trust that God has my best interest at heart.

AH I DONT WANT TO FAIL ):

Matthew 6:32-34
For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

i should go sleep on it. tomorrow is a new day (:

a shout of praise.
11:01 PM

the only One

Luke 10:41-42
And Jesus answered and said to her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her."

At the cross - Hillsong
and when the earth fades,
falls from my eyes,
You stand before me
i know You love me

These were the most prominent things spoken today at church, and i want to strive towards choosing the right one thing, and not have to worry about everything else. so many times we all get distracted by the things around us and we lose our focus on the right things; we often forget that at the end of the day, it is only God who was steadfast, it is only God who will be the faithful one.

i'll leave my regrets and disappointments at the cross; only God can heal.
i'll leave my worries and hopes at the cross; only God knows what is to happen.
i'll look to the cross where Jesus hung; knowing that His love for me is already sufficient.
i'll look to the grave where Jesus rose; for only He gives hope.

~
ps, FA tmr! difficult ): i have so much to study for it. better start ploughing through everything! see you at the library. heh. (:

a shout of praise.
12:00 PM

Saturday, June 9, 2007: God is bigger.

Psalm 46:1-2
God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
Thefore we will not fear,
Even though the earth be removed,
And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea,
Though its waters roar and be troubled,
Though the mountains shake with its swelling.

God is bigger (than the boogie man) - Vegetales
So, when I'm lying in my bed,
and the furniture starts creeping,
I'll just laugh and say, "Hey, cut that out!"
And get back to my sleeping.
'Cause I know that God's the biggest,
and He's watching all the while.
So, when I get scared I'll think of Him,
and close my eyes and smile.

God is bigger than the boogie man.
He's bigger than Godzilla, or the monsters on TV.
Oh, God is bigger than the boogie man.
And He's watching out for you and me.

a shout of praise.
8:02 AM

Friday, June 8, 2007: all the best to meeee!

exams start tmr :S kinda apprehensive about it, 2 papers, both for 2 hours. GAH! was getting all jittery in the library just now i couldnt study properly. i hope i remember everything. the last micro paper i forgot to bring my pencil box! can you believe it?

i think i really need God's favour tmr! i'm afraid of doing badly. mmm, and how do you know how much can be called best effort? i dont know for sure if i have put in my best effort and it sure doesnt feel like i have. ): sigh.

shall go sleep! all the best everyone! :D

a shout of praise.
11:06 PM

still i will choose to say..

Isaiah 40:28-29
have you not known?
have you not heard?
the everlasting God, the Lord,
the Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.

Isaiah 43:4-5
Since you were precious in My sight,
You have been honored,
And I have loved you;
Therefore I will give men for you, and people for your life.
Fear not, for I am with you.

Indescribable - Chris Tomlin
From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea,
Creation's revealing Your majesty.
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring,
Every creature unique in the song that it sings.
All exclaiming

Indescribable, Uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God.
All powerful, Untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim,
You are amazing God.

Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go,
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow?
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light,
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night?
None can fathom

Indescribable, Uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God.
Incomparable, Unchangeable,
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same.
You are amazing God.

a shout of praise.
11:09 AM

Thursday, June 7, 2007: because He lives.

God sent His Son, they called Him Jesus
He came to love, heal, and forgive.
He lived and died to buy my pardon,
An empty grave is there to prove my Saviour lives.

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, All fear is gone.
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living just because He lives.
And life is worth the living because my Saviour lives.

the atmosphere seemed to have gotten very heavy lately and i have grown very weary. and i guess the only person i can blame is myself for not being obedient to God. there were alot of things that i could have avoided, alot of things that i could have done better if i had waited on God. so i have just gone full circle and i've come back to where i've started, once again.

i was challenged today while doing my qt if the things that i value/the choices i make is of God or of the world (col 3:1-12) and i alot of times i realise that i actually know the things that i struggle with, just that i keep avoiding my own faults and find other things/people/circumstances to blame.

col 3:1-12 is a struggle in itself: to choose the things of the world, which can seem so enticing now, but can and will fade away later; or to choose God and His sometimes grey plans which we cannot forsee but can only trust in His love and grace for us. Paul persuades us to set our eyes on the things above and not on this earth because a time will come where we will have to answer to God about the lives we chose to lead; and as christians we have already chosen God's way when we accepted Him as our Lord and Saviour. and we already know how great our God is, how can we give Him up?

i feel so inadequate for God; i am also feeling especially shallow on reflection of how many times i have chosen to turn away from following God, knowing perfectly well which choice i have already decided to make. i think one thing that i have to do is to continue to perservere in this race even though at times i can make mistakes. Jesus died, so that my slate can always be wiped clean and i can start all over again. He rose, so that i have a new hope in His sovereignty.

i need to learn how to trust.

a shout of praise.
6:11 PM

Monday, June 4, 2007: in the chaos..

i've been wanting to blog about something substantial for a long time, i've got so much things to say, so many feelings to pour out but i cant put them into words, let alone paragraphs. even so, i have nothing to blabble about.

i could talk about how my studies are going. quite crappy i must say, fumbling along messily, trying to get 3 out of my 4 units done before saturday comes. and after that i can rest for a day and revv the engine again to cross the last hurdle. although i really want to say that i've burnt out i dont think i can qualify myself. i'm far from having put in too much effort. i know i can do better, i'm just not up there.

i could talk about how much sleep i've been getting. even while i'm typing this i feel like going back to bed and the sun hasnt even set yet. i've been sleeping about 7 hours a day and i think the winter weather is not making things any better. i'm drained. tired and drained.

i could also talk about how i've been building a wall around myself. only letting selected people in and pushing everyone else out. now that would be a big story to tell. i've been getting really self centered lately and its starting to annoy me. selfish and self conscious. not a very good combination.

or i could talk about how far away i'm drifting from God and i look at myself in disgust at how much i've been changing over the past 1/2 a year. from someone which i knew and loved to someone which i just can't accept. i see someone who has turned self centered, fatter, troubled, tired, blank, lazy, inexpressive, lack of enthusiasm; uninteresting and uninterested.

i look at myself, and i hate what i see. i cant begin to fathom how much God has to forgive me for in order to love me again. and although i know perfectly well that He has the ability to do so i feel so inadequate for Him, i feel too small and sinful to be able to glorify and testify of His goodness and grace.

and in all these chaos i see how much God is of importance to me, all the more now. i guess in everything, He's the only one that can pull me out of the way i'm feeling about myself now. i think debs said this to me, all the more in this time you need to lean on God's strength to help you, God doesnt expect you to change with your own strength. i guess these times are there to show you how important it is to continually seek after God's strength and peace.

i recall charlotte and kweesan and cecil warning us about the years to come and how important it was to equip our sunday school class with God's word. and yeah, i can see how important it is now. looking back at uni, so much distructure, so much freedom to do your own thing, its so difficult to focus and make the right decisions.

and as of now, i need to turn back from running away from myself, and start accepting my inadequacies.

in the quiet in the stillness
i know that You are God
in the secret of Your presence
i know there i am restored.
in the chaos in confusion
i know You're sovereign still
in the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will.

a shout of praise.
2:44 PM